November Nonsense – The Riley Files

It’s a perfect Friday night.

Catie’s farting and Mom’s drinking a hot buttered rum because it’s a gazillion degrees below zero outside (not that I care, mind you; I’m pretty tough) and she insists the cinnamon stick in the drink will help freshen the air.

Me? I’ve just finished shredding Mom’s new slippers that she wore three times since bringing them home. They have (had) all this fluffy stuff on the inside and suede on the outside and, besides, Mom won’t stop listening to Josh Groban. It’s a protest destruction. You see, Josh makes her cry but she listens to him anyways. She says it’s because he has such a beautiful voice. I don’t get it though – if something makes you cry like a baby why would you keep playing it?

Over and over and over again.

Go figure.

Catie’s doing well except for the unrelenting gas. I have to say – and remember I have super powerful old factory senses – she’s pretty stinky. Not sure what’s going on there. Everyone in the household has begged her to please stop.

Catie is oblivious to human entreaties and my barking. She thinks she can do whatever she wants now because she’s 7.

Just wait until I turn 6 next month!

The sudden cold weather has meant the Weather Channel is once again Mom’s favourite channel and it’s on pretty much 24/7. When Mom leaves for work in the morning she’s scary unrecognizable in a big ugly down-filled coat she keeps promising to replace, and she’s strangled under scarves and has the exact same look on her face she has right now listening to Josh.

You can see why I’m confused.

That’s it for now. Mom looks like she’s ready to turn in – it’s almost 9:30 PM (yes, bedtime gets earlier and earlier). Time to do my job and warm up the bed for her.


Disclaimer:  Even though Mom’s been a slacker about blogging, she wouldn’t have let me write any of this if it hadn’t been for the hot buttered rum. It’s true.

Author: CatiesMom

Mom of SEVEN-year old Catie and five-year old Riley, Golden Retrievers.

11 thoughts on “November Nonsense – The Riley Files”

  1. We’re all for comfortable, warm clothes even if they don’t make us look all that attractive. Keep wearing the coat, Carmen! I just got home from Wisconsin, and let me tell you, I wish I’d had something like that.

    Don’t light any candles, Riley…I’d hate for the house to go up in one big fart fueled blast. And don’t get any ideas, saucy one…you may not light her farts. YOU MAY NOT!

    Lincoln’s Mom

  2. geesh, we are all for staying warm – layers are natures way of keeping warm…if you don’t look like the michelin man, then don’t complain about being cold…plus, once you’re that wrapped up, the escaping ‘gases’ can slowly discipate and increase the inner core temp, right??? maybe catie needs some sweat pants and leggings for xmas??? we agree with lincoln, go for the flameless candles….

    gayle & charon

  3. Sorry about the cold, can’t even imagine what really cold feels like, have been in Arizona so long 70 is cold to me. I say light a very highly scented candle help give off a little heat and help cover up some of the fart, ok maybe it’s worth a worth a try.

    Jo Ann & Tasha

  4. greenhouse gases = global warming so maybe Catie gas = house warming?? I agree with Linc’s mom, No Open Flames!!! Hang in there tiger, someone has to be the voice of reason around there.

    Rosie’s Mom

  5. I am learning how to warm our house up, too. I don’t know why they run out of the room. I don’t think it smells bad at all. People are crazy.
    Catie is a lot like me. I chewed up my mom’s new slippers the other night and feathers came out! It was pawesome! They were sticking on my tongue and lips and floating around the room and then she took it off of me. Pawrents don’t know what fun is. Harrumph.
    Is hot buttered rum like hot buttered popcorn? Cause I like popcorn. Tell your mom to have some of that every night. Sounds like she relaxes the rules a bit when she does….That happens to my mom when she has a friend over named, Char Doughnay.

  6. Gassie Catie is trying to tell you how much she loves you, by keeping your house warm!

    Your weather sounds brutal, but Mom sez she could probably handle it with hot buttered rum every night. Yum!

  7. Oh Catie, your gas wouldn’t bother me. The Hess household is very gassy these day!!! My farts are long, frequent, pungent, and LOUD. Dad tells our guest that I’m just singing a tune. I bet we would be quite the duet Catie 🙂


  8. First off: Riley! Did you really chew up your mama’s slippers and she didn’t beat you? Your mom is nicer than mine!

    You know what gets rid of gassy tummies? ….Peanut Butter Cookies! It’s true! I’ve never had gas and I get PBC’s all the time!

    As a matter of fact, peanut butter cookies will cure whatever ails you! Mommy calls it ‘Comet’s Cure Quackery’ but I say PBC’s are a miracle food!


  9. Hey, Catie! Zuzu and I love to gas up the house. We think it’ll help save on the heating bill, but Mom usually gets up and opens a door. WTH? That just lets the heat out and the cold air in! And it never smells the same then. Not sure what’s up with our crazy pawrents!
    PS – Moms is sad she missed writing on your blog about your birthday, so I’ve convinced her we need to celebrate it tonight. So we’re getting extra extra treats in your honor tonight! And mom also got teary reading about your bday – I thought that bdays are happy days? don’t know what’s up with her lately…

  10. Hey Riley – sorry I’m a little late coming into this but just wanted to say that I’m sorry you have to deal with Catie’s gas problems, Mom’s tears and Josh Groban’s crooning. Just think of it this way – could be worse – your mom could be downing tequila shots and dancing on tables, Catie could be having more than just gas problems and you might be forced to listen to Barry Manilow or something. So just remember the grass isn’t always greener (or maybe browner in your case?) 🙂
    Stay warm and keep your Mom warm too!

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